Dogs
By Rocky Williams, Feline Guest Blogger
Someone declared that one day in January would be National Answer your Cat’s Questions Day. Who? I don’t know, and because I’m a lazy cat, I won’t look it up on that weird thing you humans call the Web. The only web I care about has juicy spiders dangling from it…but I digress.
Now, we all know it’s every human’s job to try to figure out exactly what your cat wants so you can go about meeting his demands post haste. Hence, I think dedicating a day to answering your cat’s questions is a great idea. I tip my furry paw to the person who came up with that one! It just might help you in your never-ending quest to make your cat happy. Which is your number one job, am I right?
Ok. Never mind that National Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day was in January, and today is the first of February. I couldn’t let that hinder getting some answers to the burning questions I’m sure all cats have. I asked the Warden for a little Q & A time, and ever the dutiful cat lady, she complied.
Rocky: Why do you put my bag of FELIDAE kibble in the cupboard, where I can’t get to it whenever I want a snack?
Warden: That’s precisely the point, Rocky. You’d “snack” 24/7 if I let you, and your handsome man-cat body would turn to flab. Not to mention, this would blow my pet food budget to smithereens.
Rocky: Why do you get so hopping mad when I try to steal a teeny tiny morsel of food off your plate? Haven’t you ever heard of sharing?
Warden: If I shared my food every time you wanted something I was eating, I’d waste away to nothing!
Rocky: Why do you talk to me in that silly high pitched voice? I’m a cat, not a baby!
Warden: Because you’re adorable, and I can’t help myself. Every human who spends time with a cute cat will eventually succumb to “baby” talk.
Rocky: Why do you wave that Da Bird feather thing around all the time? You know we know it’s not real, right?
Warden: You do? You sure don’t act like you know it’s fake. Anyway, you need exercise, and it’s not like I can take you for a walk around the block on a leash.
Rocky: Why must you always interrupt my naptime by demanding petting?
Warden: Oh come on. You know you like that. I even heard you purr once. Besides, your naptime lasts all day long. Surely you can spare five minutes of your precious time?
Rocky: Why do you chastise me when I lay on your chest in bed?
Warden: Well, first of all, no one likes a furry butt in their face! Secondly, even when you’re facing the right way, you’re so heavy you nearly knock the wind out of me!
Rocky: Why do you blow that whistle in my face when I snoopervise from the kitchen counter?
Warden: I don’t need your help preparing food, thank you very much. And kitty litter feet do not belong on the counter!
Rocky: Why do you always laugh when I make biscuits on your pillow?
Warden: Because you look hilarious when you do that! I told everyone that you had to marry that pillow because you were getting so fresh with it. :-)
Rocky: Hey, that’s not funny!
Warden: Oh yes it is.
Kitties, do you have any burning questions you’d like answered?
Read more articles by Rocky Williams
- New Year’s Resolutions For Cats
RockyBy Rocky Williams, Feline Guest Blogger Lately I have been hearing my hoomin, aka the Warden, talk a lot about something called resolutions. From what I gather, these are things that people resolve to change or improve about themselves in the New...
- Of Mice And Cats (an American Classic)
By Rocky Williams I'm currently serving time at the Fleabag Prison with two other feline felons, so I thought it might be fun to tell you a story from my ‘Verminator’ days. They’re just a memory for me now, because I'm under house arrest...
- A Cautionary Tale For Mischievous Kitties
By Rocky Williams Rocky here, and today I want to share a cautionary tale for all of my feline friends. I shall call it, “Curiosity didn't kill this cat, but meeeeoooow, my mouth is on FIRE!” I am what you would call a “nosy” cat. I have...
- How To Make Your Human Do What You Want
By Rocky Williams I am ecstaticat that my “Warden” is letting me write another guest post here. Well, actually I demanded it, and since I have her wrapped around my little paw, she had to say yes. So today I want to offer a sort of “public service”...
- Life, As Seen Through The Eyes Of A Cat
By Rocky Williams Editor’s note: We will be featuring guest bloggers here from time to time, and since my cat Rocky used to blog regularly on another site, he volunteered to be the first. Take it away, Rocky! Well hello there. I have been observing...
Dogs
The Burning Questions All Cats Have
 |
| Human, I am NOT amused! |
Someone declared that one day in January would be National Answer your Cat’s Questions Day. Who? I don’t know, and because I’m a lazy cat, I won’t look it up on that weird thing you humans call the Web. The only web I care about has juicy spiders dangling from it…but I digress.
Now, we all know it’s every human’s job to try to figure out exactly what your cat wants so you can go about meeting his demands post haste. Hence, I think dedicating a day to answering your cat’s questions is a great idea. I tip my furry paw to the person who came up with that one! It just might help you in your never-ending quest to make your cat happy. Which is your number one job, am I right?
Ok. Never mind that National Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day was in January, and today is the first of February. I couldn’t let that hinder getting some answers to the burning questions I’m sure all cats have. I asked the Warden for a little Q & A time, and ever the dutiful cat lady, she complied.
Rocky: Why do you put my bag of FELIDAE kibble in the cupboard, where I can’t get to it whenever I want a snack?
Warden: That’s precisely the point, Rocky. You’d “snack” 24/7 if I let you, and your handsome man-cat body would turn to flab. Not to mention, this would blow my pet food budget to smithereens.
Rocky: Why do you get so hopping mad when I try to steal a teeny tiny morsel of food off your plate? Haven’t you ever heard of sharing?
Warden: If I shared my food every time you wanted something I was eating, I’d waste away to nothing!
Rocky: Why do you talk to me in that silly high pitched voice? I’m a cat, not a baby!
Warden: Because you’re adorable, and I can’t help myself. Every human who spends time with a cute cat will eventually succumb to “baby” talk.
Rocky: Why do you wave that Da Bird feather thing around all the time? You know we know it’s not real, right?
Warden: You do? You sure don’t act like you know it’s fake. Anyway, you need exercise, and it’s not like I can take you for a walk around the block on a leash.
Warden: Oh come on. You know you like that. I even heard you purr once. Besides, your naptime lasts all day long. Surely you can spare five minutes of your precious time?
Rocky: Why do you chastise me when I lay on your chest in bed?
Warden: Well, first of all, no one likes a furry butt in their face! Secondly, even when you’re facing the right way, you’re so heavy you nearly knock the wind out of me!
Rocky: Why do you blow that whistle in my face when I snoopervise from the kitchen counter?
Warden: I don’t need your help preparing food, thank you very much. And kitty litter feet do not belong on the counter!
Rocky: Why do you always laugh when I make biscuits on your pillow?
Warden: Because you look hilarious when you do that! I told everyone that you had to marry that pillow because you were getting so fresh with it. :-)
Rocky: Hey, that’s not funny!
Warden: Oh yes it is.
Kitties, do you have any burning questions you’d like answered?
Read more articles by Rocky Williams
- New Year’s Resolutions For Cats
RockyBy Rocky Williams, Feline Guest Blogger Lately I have been hearing my hoomin, aka the Warden, talk a lot about something called resolutions. From what I gather, these are things that people resolve to change or improve about themselves in the New...
- Of Mice And Cats (an American Classic)
By Rocky Williams I'm currently serving time at the Fleabag Prison with two other feline felons, so I thought it might be fun to tell you a story from my ‘Verminator’ days. They’re just a memory for me now, because I'm under house arrest...
- A Cautionary Tale For Mischievous Kitties
By Rocky Williams Rocky here, and today I want to share a cautionary tale for all of my feline friends. I shall call it, “Curiosity didn't kill this cat, but meeeeoooow, my mouth is on FIRE!” I am what you would call a “nosy” cat. I have...
- How To Make Your Human Do What You Want
By Rocky Williams I am ecstaticat that my “Warden” is letting me write another guest post here. Well, actually I demanded it, and since I have her wrapped around my little paw, she had to say yes. So today I want to offer a sort of “public service”...
- Life, As Seen Through The Eyes Of A Cat
By Rocky Williams Editor’s note: We will be featuring guest bloggers here from time to time, and since my cat Rocky used to blog regularly on another site, he volunteered to be the first. Take it away, Rocky! Well hello there. I have been observing...